January 28, 2011
Brain overload…
My mind is literally spinning, like I might actually sprout wings from my temples and fly. So I’m hoping that writing down the things that I’m currently thinking/worrying about (of varying degrees of importance) will help…
- Bailey’s right eye has been bothering her for about a week now, but every time we decide to take her to the vet it gets miraculously better…until the next morning. I finally bit the bullet and am taking her to the vet this afternoon. S will be away for the weekend and I don’t want to be responsible for another emergency room trip by myself.
- Bailey’s also getting groomed today, and was – for the first time ever – terrified walking into the groomers. I asked them to please keep an eye on her but I felt like the worst mom ever leaving her there. I literally feel sick to my stomach.
- S is going ice-fishing this weekend, with my brother, cousin and a few of their friends. He is SO excited about it, I’m just hoping that they come back with all of their fingers and toes! 😉 I usually love having some time to myself, but it feels kind of bittersweet this time. I guess I’m just feeling clingy now that I’m pregnant.
- My legs are killing me, which means that the only position that helps is sitting on the couch with my legs up, which invariably makes me tired. Working from home yesterday (another snow storm) and today has NOT been productive.
- I need to exchange a pair of (skinny) jeans I got from the GAP for a bigger size, so that I can wear them to a party on Sunday. Maybe I’ll take a solo shopping trip tonight and look for a new jacket as well…
- Some family friends are coming down for the weekend to visit (staying with my parents), so it will be a busy weekend, but nice. I think that’s part of why I’ll be missing S more…not really looking forward to being the fifth – pregnant – wheel all weekend, lol.
- Will acupuncture or massage help my numb legs? I bit the bullet and made an appointment with my old acupuncturist and I’m excited, but anxious that he’s going to make me worry about something I don’t need to, or give me a hard time about my diet (which could use a few tweaks but is generally FINE).
And here’s the big one…
Should I switch OBs? Find a doula? After my last appointment, my mind has been whirling about the end part of this pregnancy thing…labor and delivery. I have so many ideas about what I want it to be (with the full awareness that the baby makes the decisions and that there’s really no point in planning too much ahead of time)…but I’m just getting nervous about getting the support that I need. S and I watched “The Business of Being Born” the other night (a film about medical intervention during labor), which just supported and highlighted the fears that I already have. That despite my not wanting intervention of any kind (unless absolutely necessary), that they’ll somehow convince me that certain things are needed or else “not a big deal.”
S is completely on board with my plan, but because he’s a bit more private than me, hesitates to get a doula involved. He says that he can advocate for us by himself…and he looked pretty ferocious when he said that. 😉 I just kind of want someone there who has been through labor before, who can tell us when things are really necessary. And don’t worry, I’m not going to try to be any kind of hero – I’ll be getting an epidural if I need one – but I don’t want someone telling me I need pitocin just because I’ve been in labor too long, etc…
I know that I have plenty of time to work things out, and if I don’t like the next OB I meet with, I definitely will be making some changes…but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about these things. I’m less worried that something will go wrong, than that the doctor’s will convince me that I need to do something “for the sake of the baby.” Obviously, once that phrase is pulled out, I’m all theirs…
I guess the punch-line is that I just don’t trust my OBs right now…and something has got to change.
Life by the Day 
jsutera654 said,
January 28, 2011 at 11:06 am
I’m glad you blogged it out, friend! Sometimes just getting it OUT of your head and somewhere else (on paper, online, etc.) makes such a difference, at least in your mental mindset, right?
While I have never been through this whole baby experience before, it sure sounds like your gut is telling you to switch OBs. if you aren’t comfortable at this stage in your pregnancy with them and aren’t sure you trust them, go with your gut, it will never steer you wrong.
Ashley said,
January 28, 2011 at 11:29 am
Your belly parade was SOOOO awesome, I have been patiently waiting for that. You are the cutest preggo. You also have an award on my blog.
As far as the OBs, as I said before, I am not really into the whole natural/doula/midwife business and all I wanted was healthy babies coming out of my body. If I were you, I would look into a different OB. It’s such a hard decision to make because I thinks it’s a tie between some OBs being too overzealous to do procedures that aren’t necessary and doulas/midwives who just don’t realize that they may not think that is necessary when in fact it is. What you don’t want is a doula and your OB arguing while you are in pain waiting for some healthy outcome for your baby (happened to a friend “in real life”). Maybe you could look into a practice that has a joint approach, one with OBs and Midwives available?
Kari said,
January 28, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I’ve shared with you my doula experience so you know where I stand on it. Our doula actually would not communicate with the medical staff, her job was to support us and help us advocate for ourselves. So there would not have been a moment where the doula and doctor/nurses were locked in a head to head while DH and I were left helpless in the middle. A doula or midwife can be just as experienced, if not moreso than a doctor. A doula is really there to support you and S, but if S won’t be comfortable with it you may want to look into something else. The comfort I took in planning to have a doula available was she had been to hundreds of births, with all sorts of different complications. I knew if we ran into a snag she would be able to help us decide what was best for the baby with the least amount of intervention. I had every faith in the world in DH being able to advocate for us, but knew that in the end if the doctor was pushing for an intervention and claiming the baby was at risk we would both cave if we didn’t have someone else with experience to help us troubleshoot other options. In the end you know my doula didn’t show up and our birth went exactly the way I had envisioned it anyway, and I wish the same for you. Whether you get S onboard with a doula, or drill him with all the possible complications and interventions and possible work arounds so he’s ready to advocate if necessary. Maybe he could read some of those books I recommended. I think those did a lot to prepare us and allow us to know the kinds of complications and possible non-medical solutions. Try not to worry too much about it. Your body truly knows what it’s doing, even though that’s hard to believe since it was difficult to get pregnant. It’s doing an awesome job growing that baby healthy and strong and you and it will do an awesome job delivering!!
Holly said,
January 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm
I would say go with a doula, although if you weren’t so far along already, I’d have said to go with a midwife in the first place! They tend to double as a doula and doctor, but are much more natural than doctors, as you probably know. The only thing to be careful of is one intervention cascading into another, like getting an epidural. I’m NOT saying you shouldn’t get one (heck, I did, and I was planning a HOME birth!) but they all affect one another. The epidural made it so I wasn’t dilating, so hours later they DID need to give me oxytocin. I was upset about that, but fortunately it didn’t cascade further.
I loved The Business of Being Born, and was glad to have watched it before L&D. It helped me to feel more relaxed and empowered about everything, which made a huge difference I think. 🙂
Kristi said,
January 29, 2011 at 6:43 am
Ya this is a hard one…I would say as long as pregnancy isnt complicated go to a new OB office that also has Doula’s that way you will have the best of both worlds….My sister who is a nursery nurse has been giving me a hard time because I created a birth plan…and no Im not giving it to the hospital when I arrive but I just wanted to fill it out more so I knew what I wanted if possible and so that the hubs/my sister know what I want so when the time comes and if for some reason I cant speak for myself or my mind is clouded then they can step in…My sister says Im being a nature mom and that when women do this they set themselves up…but what can I say Im a control freak and I cant help it…..I just think labor is so unpredictable and it would def b nice to have an extra medical professional who is on your side:)))) and at the very least if you dont go with a Doula you def need to find and OB that you like or at the very least trust…I myself go to an office that has two practioners but they dont share patients…I just couldnt imagine with all my issues going to an office where I had to float between different Dr.’s so maybe try a smaller office as plan b…OK Im rambling
nobabyruth said,
January 31, 2011 at 5:22 am
I think that the most important thing is having a good relationship with your OB. I also watched The Business of Being Born and it dredged up all kinds of fears/concerns that I have about the actual labor and delivery, as I, too, want to avoid any and all unnecessary intervention. That’s why I decided that the most important thing to me is being confident in my OB. I think that if there is a good relationship there then when he makes a recommendation during the labor and birth that I will feel more comfortable with following along. And if I should want to go a different direction I THINK that he would be accomodating. AND if he pulls out that phase, “for the good of the baby,” I’ll at least feel more confident that he is telling the truth and not just trying to get me to go along with something. In short (haha) I think it’s important to have a discussion with your doctor ahead of time to go through all that you would want to have happen so that the first time you talk about it is not when you are going through it.