September 14, 2010


Posted in Infertility, IVF tagged , , , at 9:46 pm by lifebytheday

We’re triggering tonight for retrieval on Thursday!

I know…I’ve been a terrible blogger this cycle – sorry friends!  My 12+ hour days at work combined with my complete ambivalence towards this cycle means that I haven’t really acknowledged that this cycle was happening.  Added to that is the fact that I’ve been on stims for much less time this cycle and it was practically over before I realized it had begun! 

Last night marked our tenth and final day of stims, whereas with my previous cycles I was stimming between 15 and 20 days each time.  I am hopeful that less messing around with my eggs will mean better quality, because it’s definitely looking like we’re going to have less by way of quantity (mature eggs) this time.  I told S to remind me of that (quality not quantity!) when I wake up from anaesthesia on Thursday and get my egg count. 😉

I’m still feeling pretty numb…but as one of my BF’s said, I’ve tried every other attitude (positive, negative…) so I may as well try just not caring!  I’m not sure when, or even if, I’ll start to feel hopeful again, but in the meantime, if anyone has some hope or prayers to spare, I’d greatly appreciate you sending them my way. 🙂


August 24, 2010

Cycle #5 underway

Posted in Infertility, IVF tagged , , at 11:06 am by lifebytheday

Just started injections for our last IVF cycle, and felt…absolutely nothing.

I actually have been so focused on self-preservation that I completely forgot to order my meds for the upcoming cycle and had to take a special trip to the fertility pharmacy yesterday.

Then this morning, I forgot again and didn’t understand why my alarm clock was going off early.

I guess it’s going to take a while to get back into the swing of things…hopefully the cycle is almost over before I wake up. 😛

January 29, 2010

And just like that, it’s over.

Posted in IVF tagged , at 8:04 am by lifebytheday

Long story short…our cycle has been canceled.  The third time wasn’t the charm.  Since I found out yesterday afternoon, I’ve been alternating between hysterical crying and locking it up tight inside a corner of my mind so that I can function, which just makes me feel dead inside.  I don’t know how to process the information without stooping to one of those two lows…

On Tuesday night, after finding out that my estradiol levels were elevated (650 at that point), I was reduced from 75 mls each of Gonal-F and Repronex, to just 75 of the Repronex.  Wednesday I woke up already very uncomfortable – every step I took meant a sharp ache in my ovaries.  I went back in Wednesday morning for more monitoring, at which point there were a few measurable follicles – 8-9 on each side, ranging from 8-11 mms.  I got a call Wednesday afternoon to reduce the Repronex even further, to 37.5 mls, which meant throwing out half of the dose of meds.  Turns out that my estradiol was already up over 1,100 and the dr’s were starting to freak out. 

 Thursday morning, more monitoring, at which point, the dr told me we were in a “tenuous” situation, that we were walking a fine line between making sure the follicles developed enough to trigger, without my estradiol rising to dangerous levels.  I asked her what the likelihood was of having to cancel, and she said to stay optimistic, that we’d know more after getting the results of my blood work. 

So then I went off to do my campus project for my sales interview…five hours of walking back and forth across campus to try and catch certain people during their office hours, which my ovaries did NOT appreciate.  I got back to the office around 2 o’clock, absolutely exhausted (which kind of makes me wonder how I’d handle this job pregnant…not that I have to worry about that now). 

By 3 o’clock, I still hadn’t heard from the RE’s office, so I called and left a message.  I finally heard back at 3:45, that my cycle was cancelled and that the RE on call would call with more information.  Great, thanks.  Then, my day ended by being walked in on during my hysterical sobbing fit (was hiding in a nearby unused office), by a much more senior colleague who works in our California office.  Perfect. 

I headed out early, and got a call from the RE on my cell phone.  My estradiol had dropped down to 745, which I would have thought was good news.  Wrong.  Apparently when estradiol levels drop that “precipitously” it means that the estrogen has caused your body to ovulate on its own, but without any eggs that have reached maturity.  So with that, it was over. 

By the time I got home, I had cried myself into a migraine, so I took Tylenol and a warm bath and then settled down in my pj’s in front of the tv.  (S had plans, and I didn’t want him to cancel, so I was on my own…which was really what I wanted.)  Oh, and another part of this whole farce?  (Warning, TMI – look away Brian ;-))  While going to the bathroom last night, I noticed the CM that confirmed that yes, I am ovulating…which would have been a miracle on any other day, but last night, was just another piece of the nightmare.

So I woke up today thinking “well, maybe my ovaries will feel better after no meds last night…”  Nope, still as swollen and painful as ever, which is just a mean joke.  Oh, and even better, I have my second interview today at 11, which is why I had to pull myself together and stop crying last night, so that I wouldn’t have a swollen face for today.  I literally have to not think about it any more until after my interview, but I’m fully planning to cancel all of my plans for the weekend and stay in bed and cry.  I’m going to sleep until I wake up tomorrow, which is a HUGE treat…now that I don’t have to wake up at 6am for my Lupron.

So what now?  I’m going to call my RE today and hope that we can make a plan for immediately moving forward into our next cycle.  If I have to take another 2-3 months off between cycles (like my old RE made me do), I just may lose my mind.  I can’t believe that two months of meds and hormones, feeling sore and sick and sad…was for nothing.  When is this going to happen for ME???


January 21, 2010

On to the next round!

Posted in Infertility, Work tagged , , at 3:55 pm by lifebytheday

Thanks for all the good vibes friends – they worked!  After an almost TWO HOUR interview, I asked whether he had any concerns about my candidacy or ability to do the job…and he said NO!  Yayyyyyy!! 😀

So next steps are a project (I have to go to a local college, talk to professors about what they look for in a sales rep, and write a report – easy peasy!), and then a second (and hopefully final) interview, scheduled for the first week of February…the same time as the potential dates for my retrieval – UGH!!  Couldn’t be worse timing.  Even worse was the fact that I had to tell my future boss that I have an “outpatient procedure” coming up, but that I won’t know which date it’s on until two days before it happens!  I just have to move forward under the assumption that whatever is meant to be will be…and hope that my boss isn’t smart enough to do the math when I announce my pregnancy in three months (or at least doesn’t associate fertility procedures with 27 year olds)! 😉


January 14, 2010

New opportunities…or just more stress?

Posted in Life, Work tagged , at 11:34 am by lifebytheday

Back in October, I heard about a position that was opening up in my company – a sales rep position for the Boston territory (the current rep was supposedly going to be retiring) – and I jumped on it immediately.  Although I really like what I do (just not some of the people and politics), and don’t actually think I’m going to enjoy sales all that much – if I ever want to advance in this business, I have to head “out-of-house” for a while to prove that I understand our market and our customers.  And to add to that, local (Boston/New England) territories are extremely hard to come by – and since I’m obviously not going to leave S, and our house and his business have pretty much permanently tied us to this area – I really felt like I had to take advantage of this opportunity.  So I spoke to the hiring manager to express my interest, at which point it quickly turned into a waiting game.  Right before Christmas, I heard that the rep would not be retiring until late spring at the earliest, so I just chalked it up to another “meant to be” – that I should focus on getting and staying pregnant, and that maybe this position would just be too difficult at this point in my life. 

That was all well and good, until Tuesday afternoon, when I heard from the manager that rep was in fact retiring (and soon!), that the position would be open on March 1st, and was I still interested.  Yikes!  Obviously, this is not great timing at this point…I could potentially be going through this really intense, 4-5 round interview process, while ALSO going through IVF!!  And then if I DO get the position, I wouldn’t even be in it for a year before going on maternity leave, and it would be an extremely challenging (physically and emotionally) position to hold while pregnant.  But on the flip side, if I don’t grab the position now, who knows when an opportunity like this might come along again?  And this might actually be a really good position to have once the baby arrives (if we can’t swing me staying at home, or working part time) – I’d have a lot of flexibility to set my own schedule and even work from home most days!  Then if it turns out that we ARE able to afford me taking some time off, the experience I’d get from this position would enable me to get back into the industry easier, and probably at a higher level.

So.  S and I sat down and talked about it last night, and we agreed that I’d go for it.  The extra $ will help us pull together a little nest egg, and the flexibility and advancement prospects will be worth the extra challenge and effort.  S is on board and knows that he’s going to be doing a lot of the work around the house if I’m working 10 hour days AND pregnant.  He was really cute – I was like, “What if all I can handle is work and don’t have any energy left over for cooking/laundry/etc?  Will you be okay taking care of all that?”  And he says, “Well of course, you’d be pregnant.”  So apparently he’s going to have the patience of a saint when I’m an incubator…I just hope we survive the stim hormones. 😉 

So wish me luck!  I’m about to press “Send” on my resume and cover letter and have my first informational interview this afternoon – eek!!  Today, I’m clearly thankful for new challenges and opportunities!


Also, please continue to keep the people of Haiti in your prayers.  If you are able to donate – no matter how little – please find a reputable agency and do so!  Let’s show them that they are not alone.


January 9, 2010

I’ve officially been de-swined.

Posted in House, Infertility, Life tagged , , , , , at 2:58 pm by lifebytheday

Lol, just kidding…but yes, I did decide to get the H1N1 vaccine, and just got back from getting it at my local CVS Minute Clinic.  The nurse was a doll and did a much better job with the shot than the lady who did my seasonal vaccine.  And just in case it’s not clear by the fact that I got the shot, I just want to say a big THANK YOU to everybody who posted and commented with their opinion.  Although vaccines make me nervous, I do believe in their importance, and I’m glad that I did it.  And I’m glad that I did it now because apparently it takes two weeks for the antibodies to build up, so by the time our embies are ready to snuggle in for the long haul, they’ll be protected. 🙂

In other news, S (and my little bro) are mid-demo upstairs as we speak.  Ugh!  😉  We’ve decided to try to get re-appraised to see if the work we’ve done on the house will counteract the terrible housing market, and enable us to refinance while the rates are so low.  S decided that before that happened, he wanted to re-do the walls in the future baby’s room.  Since we’ve moved in, that room has just been a catch-all for extra boxes, tools, just crap in general…and got worse during the bathroom remodel.  S had to bust into the wall that backs up against the bathroom, so the room was just a MESS.  Before an appraiser comes in, we’re pulling down the plaster and horsehair, adding/replacing the insulation, drywalling, plastering, and painting.  I’ve even decided that we’re going to paint the walls the color that I want to use for the baby – one more thing that I’m throwing out into the universe. 🙂  Although it’s going to make things MUCH harder if this IVF isn’t successful, I’m operating as if we WILL be pregnant by mid-February.  I even clipped an advertisement for a prenatal exercise class that restarts every six weeks. 😉

So with that said, today I am thankful that my husband is a handy, non-procrastinator ;-), that I didn’t kill him for making a mess in my newly clean house this morning, and that we’ll be seeing two of our best friends tonight for a fabulous night full of Chinese food, keno, and mai tais!


January 8, 2010


Posted in Life tagged , , , , at 2:17 pm by lifebytheday

My latest worry has been whether or not to get the H1N1 vaccine.  Now that they’re finally available, I’m running up against the beginning of our IVF cycle which means it’s now or never.  As a bit of a background, I’m generally wary of vaccines (especially for kids), but for years I have gotten the seasonal flu vaccine – partly because I used to get really sick (mostly because I was in college and not taking very good care of myself ;-)) but also because my youngest bro gets terrible (hospitalization-worthy) asthma when he’s sick, so our whole family would get it so we didn’t bring anything home.  I got the vaccine again this year, but have been dragging my feet with the H1N1, because of the things I’ve heard about mercury levels, not enough development/testing, and first trimester miscarriages.

On Wednesday I called the RE’s office to see what they recommended, hoping that they would be able to convince me one way or another.  A nurse called back and said “Sure, you can get the H1N1 vaccine, just do it before you start cycling (on Wednesday)!”  So I asked, “Okay, I know I can get it, but is that what you recommend?”  My answer?  “YUP!”  Great, thanks for the help.

So then I posted a question on the Resolve/Inspire board, and have heard a lot of varying opinions.  Basically, no one would do it in the first trimester, but lots of the more high risk pregos did it once they passed that phase (and once it became available).  I also heard from doctors and nurses, who unfortunately did not share much in the way of consensus.  So then I asked one of my nurse friends (two others that I know already got it) and she recommended that I do get the vaccine, since we’re trying to get pregnant and pregnant women are one of the most high risk groups with the H1N1.

So I guess now I’m leaning towards getting it (though I was leaning against it earlier this morning).  I just don’t know if it’s worth the risks, considering that we’re so close to the end of the typical flu season.  But this flu doesn’t seem to be following any of the rules, and I would hate to get super sick during our first trimester…ugh.  S doesn’t believe in medicine in general so he’s no help. 😉  What do you all think???  Have you/are you getting the vaccine??

Oh, P.S. 😉  Today I am thankful that it is FRIDAY, that my animals let us sleep through the entire night last night, and that I’m going on a movie date with S later tonight (seeing Leap Year! we obviously have to see anything set in Ireland ;-)) to the Premium Cinema!


January 6, 2010

And so it begins!

Posted in IVF tagged , at 3:50 pm by lifebytheday

Last night, I arrived home to (dinner made – homemade lasagna – thanks to my handy dandy crockpot! 😉 but also) my box o’meds for our upcoming IVF!  I was too tired to face it last night, so this morning I pulled them all out to make sure that I had everything (and enough of what) I needed.  And then, just for fun, I took a picture.  I’ve never done that before, but then again, I’ve never had this many meds before (!), and I know a lot of people who have done this and had successful cycles, so I figured what the heck!  I have a feeling I’m going to be doing a little bit of EVERYTHING this time around (including superstitions and old wives’ tales if applicable ;-)), just so I can say we left it all on the table with this cycle.

(Sorry it’s a little blurry…the downside of using an i.Phone.) 

So for shits and giggles (well that, and posterity ;-)), I thought I’d tell you what each of the meds are, what they’re used for, and when I’ll be taking each one.  From left to right, back row first…drumroll please!

  • Lupron (or Leuprolide) – This is the first round of shots, which I start on January13th.  This drug is used to suppress my ovaries, so that my PCOS doesn’t explode when faced with the other fertility meds.  I’ll be on Lupron for ten days, before I add the “stims.”
  • Gonal-F and Repronex – drugs used to stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs (in preparation for the retrieval/harvesting).  So in case you were counting, two drugs = two shots.  If all goes according to plan, I’ll start these on the 23rd, and will do the Lupron shot in the morning and these two in the evening.
  • Novarel – This med is pure hCG, a hormone produced naturally during pregnancy, and is used to force ovulation (releasing of the eggs) prior to the retrieval.  I’ll do this one-time injection once enough of my follicles (where the eggs live/grow) have matured.  Once I do this, I stop the other meds and retrieval is two days later.
  • Doxycycline (the first small bottle and the big bottle) – an antibiotic, prepping for the egg retrieval and transfer
  • *Not pictured* Baby Aspirin – starting on the evening of the retrieval, used to increase blood flow and help prevent miscarriage
  • Medrol/Methylprednisone (the small bottle on the right) – a low dose steroid, used to assist with implantation of the embryo, also started on the evening of the retrieval
  • Progesterone in oil (the two bottles in the middle) – This one is the doozy.  A thick oil-based med, injected with a HUGE (well not really, but compared to the others) syringe, into the muscle (as compared to the others which are injected into fat), used to help prepare (and then maintain) the lining of the uterus for implantation.  If we are successful in getting pregnant, I actually may need to continue these shots for WEEKS – and to top it all off?  Because of where these shots need to be placed (upper ass), I can’t do them myself – S has to – which really FREAKS out my control-freak-self. Lol!
  • Diazepam/Valium (the second small bottle from the left) – taken the morning of the transfer to relax the muscles of the uterus (and everything else) 😉
  • Vivelle patches – and last but not least, an estrogen patch used to supplement the hormones that my body should be making normally.  This patch is used between the transfer and the pregnancy test (two weeks later) and is replaced every two days.

And there you have it…all the pill popping and shooting up I’ll be doing over the next month or so!  Hopefully this is the LAST time I ever have to juggle this many meds at once…


December 21, 2009

Oh, hello hormones! (UPDATED)

Posted in Infertility tagged , , , at 10:44 am by lifebytheday

S asked me to remove some of the more personal details from this post, so here goes. 😉


Man, did I NOT miss you!  (And P.S. yes, I realize what a Debby Downer I, and my blog, have been these past few weeks – sorry friends!)  Let’s just say that last night – after what was actually a perfectly lovely day – I remembered what it’s like to be on birth control.  S had to work most of the weekend, but we woke up yesterday to a huge snow storm, so I spent the day cooking, wrapping, and doing laundry, and then we had a nice relaxing movie night once he got home.  Then, when we finally went to bed, S made the mistake of asking me “how I was feeling”…cue meltdown.  And I mean MELTDOWN – hysterical sobbing, nose dripping, choking for breath, and every time I calmed down I would say something or think of something that would set me back off.

I’m so sick of “feeling tired and depressed”, and then feeling guilty about it, and of feeling like it’s my psycho hormones that are causing it.  Like, c’mon PCOS, isn’t it bad enough that you’ve made me INFERTILE?  Do you have to ruin my “real” life as well???

Then poor S made the mistake of saying that I shouldn’t worry, that I wouldn’t be on meds for much longer, that the third IVF was going to be the charm…and I LOST IT.  That’s my biggest fear at this point – what if the third time ISN’T the charm?  Then what?!?  The previous two negatives were hard, but both times I kind of knew…I honestly don’t know how I will survive if this one doesn’t work.

Anyways, I guess that’s enough misery for a Monday morning…hopefully I can find my Christmas spirit before the holiday is past!


December 9, 2009

Week in review

Posted in Infertility, Life, Work tagged , at 4:05 pm by lifebytheday

Wow, it’s been almost ten days since my last post…sorry friends!  In a nutshell, work has been INSANE…and it’s rubbing off on my personal life.  Last week I hosted two focus groups, helped run a half-day team meeting, and had two days worth of a company-wide retreat, complete with breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks with our out-of-town employees.  Everything went well, but it was exhausting being on-duty for that long…so most nights I just came home and crashed, much to S’s dismay.

Besides feeling uber-overwhelmed, I’m annoyed that the stress of work is preventing me from getting in the Christmas spirit.  I’m actually so wound up that I’m planning to do ALL of my shopping online, because I don’t want to interact with people in any way, shape, or form!  That says it all, huh? 

I’m trying to do everything I can think of to get myself in a better frame of mind…went to early morning mass with my Mom today, and am planning to go to a special healing mass tomorrow night.  I’ve also been spending what time I can just cuddling with S and our fur-babies, and trying not to care too much about having a “perfect” Christmas (decorations, gifts, etc.) this year.  I just want to try to connect with the reason for the season, and take care of myself, my family (and of course my friends!).

In other news, I got my period yesterday (yay!) and officially started my meds protocol for our upcoming IVF!!  The first step is 5-6 weeks of birth control pills (I know, BC pills to help get pregnant, crazy huh??), to help bring my hormones levels back to normal.  Then we start Lupron in mid-January, followed by Gonal F and Repronex on the 23rd.  Right now, the estimated date for the egg retrieval is February 3rd, and February 9th-ish for the (hopefully 5-day) transfer. 

I also found out that I’ll be taking baby As.pirin and Medrol (a low-dose steroid) from ER, through and past ET.  Apparently there are some new studies that say these things help with implantation, so my clinic has been doing that for all IVF patients for the past six months or so.  Has anybody else done this (Ashley – I think you did?)?  Also, in addition to the progesterone shots after ER, I’ll also be using Vivelle patches from the ET through the 2WW – does anyone know what that is for? 

It’s weird…I know that I’ve said that I wanted to do things differently this time around (because the previous protocol obviously didn’t work), but now that I’m being forced out of my “comfort zone,” I’m nervous!  The specifics about my protocol were mailed to me on a calendar and then discussed over the phone with a nurse, so I think I just feel a little blind-sided.  I could call the RE, but I’m not even sure what I’d ask him…so I guess I’m just asking for help from YOU!  Has anybody used both Gonal F/Repronex and Follistim – how do they differ (response, side effects, etc.)?  What about the As.pirin/Medrol therapy – success stories?  Side effects?  Basically, is there anything I’m missing, or should ask about??


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