March 5, 2011
Rough week (and 26 week update)
I have come to realize how ingrained it is to keep negativity and sadness inside of me…not healthy, I know…but as my grandmother always used to say “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Hence my silence for the past week.
Monday I woke up just not feeling right – extra sore and just bone tired (you know the tired you feel with the flu? Like that.) Since we were due for an icy rain storm later that morning, I worked from home and managed to squeeze in two naps. Tuesday was my first day trying out my support band, but I again spent the day sore and tired. Wednesday was more of the same…I ended up finishing up work a little early and came home for a nap, followed by a meltdown.
The pain in my legs is really starting to get to me mentally, and I spent the first part of this week fighting off feelings of depression. It’s not that each individual little pain is that bad, but add them all together and keep the pain building for 3+ months and it starts to feel like torture. This is going to sound really dramatic, but I feel like I finally understand people with chronic pain (including my grandmother who committed suicide from a nerve disease). And obviously, I’m not in that category, either physically or mentally, but everything came to a head this week and I just felt WORN OUT.
I’m sure that it’s just because we’re bumping up against the third trimester – only five more days until it’s official! But add to that the never ending stress about work and feeling like I’m not able to keep up, and my father’s disappointing reaction to us telling him we wanted to name the baby (middle name) after him if it was a boy, and I was fit to be tied.
In case I haven’t mentioned it before, my father is Jewish (although I was raised Catholic after my mother, and the maternal tradition in both religions) and apparently, it’s taboo to name a baby after someone living. I knew that you were supposed to name Jewish babies after the most recent relative who had died, but I never knew the converse. So here S and I are thinking that we’re doing something really nice to honor my dad and show him how much he means to both of us, and my father was struggling with being flattered, and simultaneously trying not to feel like we were cursing him.
After a whole lot of awkwardness, we just dropped the subject, but there’s still this giant elephant in the room. I don’t want to have cursed my dad just by thinking it, and I’m equally sad that our baby boy won’t get to have his Zadie (Yiddish for Grandfather and my dad’s request)’s name. The middle name was the only thing S and I had agreed on for a boy, and now, to be perfectly honest, I’m kind of hoping for a girl just because we have a name that we’ve agreed on and everybody loves!
In fact, for the past few weeks, I’ve started to have a few more inklings that it might be a girl…just little feelings here and there, that culminated in outgrowing my second pair of maternity pants (could barely get them up over my @$$) and the realization that I’m growing more than just a belly! 😉
So anyways, moving on to a quick 26-week update:
How am I feeling? Sore, tired, and overwhelmed. Oh, and the hole from my belly button ring is red and inflamed. I’m sure it’s just another growth spurt – especially since I started to feel a bit better Thursday/Friday – and as long as the little one keeps growing healthy and strong, it’s all worth it.
Weight gain? +14 (+2 lbs since last week)
Cravings? Still nothing weird, but I didn’t do a very good job cutting out salt or sugar. I cut back on salt – a bit – but when I tried to throw out the leftover Valentine’s day candy and couldn’t bring myself to put it in the trash, I realized that I’m in a little more trouble than I thought. 😛
Movement? This past week the baby has started really going to town, kicking all of its arms and legs simultaneously and flipping around. S managed to catch one of their wiggly fits and couldn’t believe it, lol!
I missed the 26-wk photo op, sorry! I spent Wednesday night red and puffy from crying and didn’t really want to document it. 😉