November 24, 2010

Worries and wishes

Posted in Infertility, Pregnancy tagged , , at 11:06 am by lifebytheday

I’m experiencing a strange phenomenon where I’m actually getting more nervous the closer we get to the coveted end of the first trimester. 

I think a large part of it is that we haven’t seen or heard the baby in several weeks.  I get such a high from seeing an actual baby moving around inside of me that it keeps me aloft for days, but eventually, that bubble starts to deflate and I come back down to earth.  Another issue is that I now know (although I wish I didn’t) that it is possible to have a “missed miscarriage” without any bleeding or cramping…and although I don’t actually think that has happened, I don’t think I’ll fully relax until our ultrasound next week. 

The last, and strangest factor, is that I’m actually getting more nervous the more people that I tell!  I am pretty obviously showing now, especially for people who know me well, and so we were sort of forced to spill the beans to several of my parents’ friends recently.  And I’ve started telling other friends as I see them around town.  But for some reason, I have gotten really nervous and am really not enjoying congratulations right now…I just can’t wait to be officially in our 13th or 14th week, with proof that the baby is doing well.

In other news, I just had to share this post from a fellow blogger over at Waiting for our Miracle – it is a beautifully written, brutally honest post comparing infertility to cancer.  She did not (and neither do I) have any intention of minimizing the experience of cancer, but I just think that it is worth reading, and understanding, the true devastation that is infertility.

On this, the day before Thanksgiving, I am so grateful to be in a position where I can look back at my infertility journey and appreciate it for the lessons I learned and the gift I was given.  But as we enter the holiday season, my thoughts and prayers are with those who are still drowning in the sea of treatments and uncertainty, and struggling to stay afloat.  I hope that everyone is able to relax amongst family and friends this holiday, and appreciate the blessings that they have been given.  Even at your lowest point, there is always something to be thankful for.

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4 Comments »

  1. jsutera654 said,

    Sending you ((hugs)) my friend. And a little prayer, too (can’t hurt, right?). I know how firmly you and S believe that God granted you this baby as a sincere blessing. And I firmly believe it too. I know you will feel way better in a couple more weeks but just try to keep that faith flowing, I know you have it in you. In the meantime, hugs, kisses and lots of positive thoughts coming your way. xoxo

  2. Kari said,

    Happy Thanksgiving and hoping some of that worry dissipates before your appointment. I know how you’re feeling all too well. I felt the same way. I’m not sure if you’ve considered getting a doppler to listen to the baby’s heart at home. I know it’s probably too early right now but that was what helped keep me sane for sure. I even listened sometimes after I could already feel him move. I got mine off ebay and it was worth every penny. Sending you big hugs and positive thoughts!!

  3. jolene1079 said,

    I’m sending you prayers and strength…you are almost there! You are doing awesome. I TOO am so thankful for your miracle, it’s amazing. XO!

  4. kristi said,

    You will feel so much comfort after your US and it is the best when you feel movement because then the worry level really goes down:) Take care and I cant wait to hear more abt your nursery…Sounds creative!!!!


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