May 29, 2010
Hoping for peace
As I write this post, I’m sitting on a rocking chair, in front of an open screen door, gazing out onto a perfectly calm lake. S, his bro, my parents, brother, and I are up in Maine at our cottage (read: shack) for the long weekend. Although it’s pretty rustic – we have an outhouse, an outside shower, and pump water from the lake for dishes and bathing – the front door opens onto a beautiful sandy beach, and the water begins twenty feet from the door. This place has always been our escape, and I’m hoping that it works again this time. I tend to bring up lots of books and just check out, until it’s time for dinner, drinks and campfires with our neighbors and close friends.
It feels different now though. It took until S and I got married for me to be considered an “adult” among the crew, and since I’m the oldest of my brothers and cousins (and most of my generation of friends up here as well), there hasn’t been any pressure for us to have kids, except for the pressure I put on myself. I just feel like it’s time now though…to have little ones laughing and running around, in sun hats and swimmies…filling some of the empty places in my soul. But I’m hoping that the sun and fresh air will help a little in the meantime…