May 21, 2010

Terrified

Posted in Infertility, IVF tagged at 11:03 am by lifebytheday

In just over 24 hours, we’ll know whether we’re going to be parents (in less than 9 months)…and I am FREAKING OUT. 

I’m literally all over the place…

I’ve been feeling better yesterday and today, so I’ve convinced myself that it didn’t work…but definitely haven’t processed what that would feel like. 

But then again, I just ordered more progesterone, on the off chance that I’ll be needing it past tonight.  I have  just enough for tonight, so if it’s negative, I’ll have two vials I don’t need, but if by some miracle we ARE pregnant, I couldn’t risk not being able to get more meds before the pharmacy closed for the weekend.  So yippee, more $…hopefully I’ll be using those meds and not letting them gather dust in my closets like all the rest of my extra drugs.

And then there’s the age old question…to POAS (pee-on-a-stick) or not to POAS.  I think since all I’ve ever seen are one lines, and 0 betas, that I don’t really believe it’s possible for a pee stick to show a positive for me.  All I can remember is the millions of negatives I’ve received over the past few years…

Like, what’s the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?  I’m this close to being declared insane, and I don’t need a pee stick to push me over that edge.  I don’t think I’ve let myself truly BELIEVE that this time could be different.  I’d rather wait for the 30 second phone call that I can just DELETE if necessary.

Wow, I sound a little worked up, huh?

Now, the only really important question is what to do between 10 and 2 tomorrow, while I wait for the call and wait for S to return home (he’s going up to Maine with my dad and uncles to open the family cottage).  I’m thinking a mani/pedi…just wish I could drink a few cocktails in the meantime. 😉

Advertisements

9 Comments »

  1. APlusB said,

    Hoping for great news!! Everything crossed!

  2. brian said,

    i have an idea that will make S very happy… spread some mulch. i’ll help you by picking it up and you can work on that all day. haha

  3. D said,

    Good luck tomorrow! Hoping, praying and crossing all fingers and toes for you! I am in totally agreeance with the mani/pedi to keep you busy. Hell go for the massage, it’s incredible! 🙂

  4. Kacy said,

    Thinking good thoughts for you the next 24 hours. Oh ya and mani/pedi is an excellent idea, GO FOR IT!

  5. Kari said,

    Sending you positive patient vibes!! I know it’s impossible to stop the anxiety but hoping tomorrow holds fantastic news and you can spend tomorrow thinking of great ways to tell S when he gets home!! 🙂

  6. Ashley said,

    I’ll be thinking about you! I have been sending out little sticky baby vibes for you as much as possible over what seems like the longest two week wait ever (and it’s not even mine 🙂 )!! I think a mani/pedi is a great idea.

  7. jsutera654 said,

    Sending you anything and everything possible I can think of (vibes, hugs, prayers, you name it, I got ’em for you) for tomorrow. And I DEFINITELY think a mani/pedi is a TOP priority for tomorrow. Read a trashy magazine and TRY to avoid looking at the clock. Hugs, hugs, hugs!!

  8. Janine said,

    I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow and praying for good news for you guys. I wish I were there to give you a hug!!

  9. Squashgirl said,

    I have everything crossed for you! Love you plan for staying busy! Praying for calmness!!! WIll be thinking of you all day!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: