April 29, 2010
And lows and highs
Yesterday was NOT a good day.
My estradiol at yesterday’s appointment was 335, which the RE’s office referred to as a “plateau” but was actually a 40-point drop from the day before. And let’s just say, I FREAKED OUT. My last cycle was cancelled because my E2 went too high and then abruptly dropped, so the lower number really worried me. I know that we didn’t want a super high number because then we’d be cancelled, but if I stalled out, then I could also be cancelled for that!
I grilled the nurse (who called to give me my instructions for last night – 37.5 of Gonal-F, 75 of Repronex, and back in for monitoring this morning) enough that she caved and agreed to have the RE call me. He wasn’t really interested in entertaining my questions – which was ANNOYING – but here were the key points:
- He is monitoring me very carefully
- We have to take it slowly and carefully
- Nothing about me is “cookbook” (read, normal)
- I need to have patience
- I need to have confidence
I hung up the phone and LOST IT. For no real reason except that I’m afraid that we’re not going to make it to retrieval, again. My mind is constantly whirling, trying to decide whether we’re going to transfer two embryos (if we have multiple embies to work with), but THIS is the reason why I think we should! If it’s such an issue even getting to retrieval, then maybe it’s actually less risky to try and bake two babies at the same time. Ugh. I know that we won’t really know what we’re going to do until the day we actually have to decide, but I CAN’T. STOP. THINKING. ABOUT. IT.
So anyways, this morning at monitoring, there was very little follie progress – one 12, and one 10 that turned into an 11, but also another chunk of growing follicles at 8 and 9. Ideally, the small ones would stop growing and the bigger ones would grow bigger, but of course, nothing with me goes according to plan. So that was another low point – I was even more afraid that it was a sign of stalling out.
I just heard from the RE and my estradiol was 429 this morning, so they want me to increase my stims to 75 and 75 for tonight, and go back in for monitoring tomorrow. I’m sure they still consider that slightly higher number a plateau, but at least something is happening. I was SO relieved that there was even that little amount of progress (and that they’re giving me a little boost with the meds), that my mood improved in seconds.
I was joking with the nurse that I was hoping I’d get to sleep in tomorrow, but said “I guess I won’t be able to sleep in for the rest of my life” (hopefully!). She laughed and said “If all goes according to plan, you won’t! We’re just giving you some practice.” 😉 The thought of actually having a baby (or babies) at the end of this totally gave me a lift, and I’m going to try to maintain a positive, calm outlook. I think that’s easier said than done though…suggestions welcome!