April 19, 2010

The non-cycle

Posted in Infertility at 7:57 am by lifebytheday

Today marks day 7 of Lupron…only three more days until baseline!  Crazy, right?  This cycle has felt weird for so many reasons.  The most obvious is the external stresses I was dealing with last week – car accident much? 😛  But the other is that S really wants to lay low with this cycle…not tell our families, and not make assumptions that this cycle will work.  That probably sounds pessimistic to most of you, but I think he’s trying to protect us.  For four years now, we’ve lived our lives for “when we get pregnant…” and look where that’s gotten us.  Just disappointed. 

It’s so weird though!  Every morning I do my Lupron shot, but I don’t really FEEL anything while I’m doing it.  And by not feeling, I mean no emotions.  I literally haven’t yet acknowledged to myself that we’re mid-cycle, or what it would mean for this cycle to be successful…or not.  (And no side effects this time either, not from the BC or the Lupron, which is nice…but WEIRD.) 

I’m also being less anal this time…the RE’s office tells you to do shots at the SAME TIME every day, so my previous cycles I did it at the EXACT same MINUTE every day.  But this time, my first shot was the day after the accident so I ended up sleeping in and missing the time I wanted to do it, so I called the office to find out how much I could adjust it.  The nurse I spoke to said that you only need to do it at ROUGHLY the same time, so even an hour here or there is okay.  So now I don’t stress about that – as long as I get that needle in my belly between 6 and 7 am, I’m good to go.  But again, just such a different way to think about this cycle.  Some mornings I even forget whether I’ve done the shot yet!

It kind of feels like we’re pulling an ostrich, burying our heads in the sand…but with all the pregnant bellies around me, neck-deep in sand is really a safer place to be.

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3 Comments »

  1. jsutera654 said,

    I gotta say, I really love the vibe I’m feeling in this blog post, friend. You seem more calm, more at ease, more at peace with things. In fact, you don’t seem stressed at all (even though I know you better than that!). As always, I’m rooting for you and S, and will be there for you no matter what happens with this cycle. ((hugs))

  2. jolene1079 said,

    I think your approach to this round is just right – and probably the way I would go with it, if I were in your shoes too. Nonetheless, my prayers are with you two, and I’m pulling for you both!! XO!

  3. 21reena said,

    i think you’re doing the right thing. IF can totally take over your life – and then it can make your life come crashing down on you. I like that you’re playing it cool this time 🙂


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