March 26, 2010

What ifs and worry

Posted in Infertility at 8:00 am by lifebytheday

A friend of mine (the friend that I mentioned earlier) recently got some scary news at her 20 week ultrasound. Without going into too much detail, it could be nothing, or it could be something pretty devastating, but they won’t know for sure until the baby is born. So now they just have to wait (and worry!) for the next 4 1/2 MONTHS of her pregnancy.

I honestly don’t know what I would do if we had to deal with something like that…AFTER everything else we’ve been already been through. I’ve only been thinking about the possible risks of having the babies prematurely (a likelihood if we were to have twins), but I definitely had not acknowledged the possibility of something being wrong with our baby/babies totally UNRELATED to infertility/treatments. I mean, things happen, but to spend YEARS and THOUSANDS, not to mention all the blood, sweat, and tears, trying to have a baby, and then have to deal with some sort of totally random illness or abnormality?!? I think I would have a really hard time believing in God’s plan at that point…

So now I’m just scared. It kind of makes me afraid to cycle again…afraid to hope.



  1. Emily R said,

    You can’t worry about things like that! Someone my mom knows was told during her pregnancy that her baby had Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum. Look it up…it’s pretty scary. And she didn’t…the baby was born totally normal and totally healthy. You have so much going on right now – don’t add worry to the mix! God has a wonderful plan in store for both you and “S” and your friend as well that we can’t even begin to imagine or understand. Nor should we try. Praying for you guys…

  2. Kari said,

    I’m sorry for your friend. I hope that it turns out to be nothing. DH and I feel, and have always felt, that however this baby comes out he will be perfect. Absolutely perfect. Just exactly as he’s meant to be. Of course, I have not been faced with the news something could possibly be wrong thankfully, but when we were trying to decide what tests to have done and which to pass on, we of course discussed the possibilities. Watching your little one turn from a beating heart, to a blob with a beating heart, to a baby shaped individual with a beating heart your love grows so intensely, especially after what we’ve been through to get here, it’s incredible. I can’t tell you how you’d feel, only my experience but try not to let fear of the possibilities scare you away from cycling. Odds are in your favor your baby will be born perfectly healthy. 🙂

  3. Ashley said,

    I have to admit that when I found out I was expecting twins I was scared to death (have never admitted this before). Earlier that year I had a friend who got pregnant with twins and one wasn’t growing right but they weren’t really sure what was wrong. The twin was born with a genetic disease and died in two days. It was devastating. Then I thought of them being born early and how I messed them up out of selfishness for putting in two embryos. Just because of what happened to my friend, I still have issues sometimes when I start to wash things or throw away receipts.

    I think you should definitely cycle again! You never know what’s going to happen and I agree, odds are that things will be perfect! I just think it’s hard with all the emotions we put into treatments to understand why that would happen to us because we had already done so much work to get there that most people don’t have to.

  4. Jane said,

    I really understand where you’re coming from. I’ve also had a couple friends with problem pregnancies (and some with scares that turned out to be OK). And it scared me too. I don’t have anything much to say that would alleviate your concern, but thank you writing about this. Hopefully everything will turn out just fine.

  5. APlusB said,

    I hear you on this completely. I often worry that IF I can even get pregnant, what if something is wrong with the baby? It would be more than I could handle. Sorry about your friend – I hope everything is OK.

  6. 21reena said,

    I’m so sorry for your friend. Please don’t let this make you give up hope. It is a VERY scary thing to consider, and there’s never a guarantee. I hope everything turns out ok for your friend and that you feel ok with all that you decide.

  7. Jen said,

    I am sorry for your friend and it is a sobering reality that despite all of the effort and trying to concieve it doesn’t guarentee a healthy baby at the end. I agree with alot of what has already been said and it is a scary thought for sure. My aunt was told that my cousin likely had spina bifida at 24 weeks and had been told to prepare for that and in the end she was born healthy without any trace. There is alot the medical profession can tell patients now but they are not always right. I am hoping for the best for your friend for sure.

    I know its unsettling to think that something could wrong in the future but I hope you don’t let it cause you to give up hope. (hugs)

  8. egghunt said,

    That is terrible news for your friend. And I know all too well that feeling of being afraid to hope again. I am tip toeing up to IVF#4 very cautiously and am in no hurry to go through it again. It sounds terrible to say that because I want to be a mother more than anything in the world but I think its also natural to want to shield your heart from pain as well.
    Lets just walk slowly towards our next cycles together shall we?

  9. Janine said,

    I am so sorry to hear this… I can’t imagine the worry and fear your friend is going through. I really feel for her, and for you. But I know that God has an amazing plan in store for you. Think about the road you and S have taken together so far, supporting each other through thick and thin — that kind of love breeds a happy family, no matter what challenges life throws at you. ❤

  10. jsutera654 said,

    Aww friend, sending you a hug! Fear of the unknown is so scary, especially after learning about a friend who is going through something so sobering. I’m sending your friend good vibes….wish there was more I could do/say to ease your fears…just know that God is always watching and working, in mysterious ways sometimes, but He’s always there, which is always comforting…

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