March 26, 2010
What ifs and worry
A friend of mine (the friend that I mentioned earlier) recently got some scary news at her 20 week ultrasound. Without going into too much detail, it could be nothing, or it could be something pretty devastating, but they won’t know for sure until the baby is born. So now they just have to wait (and worry!) for the next 4 1/2 MONTHS of her pregnancy.
I honestly don’t know what I would do if we had to deal with something like that…AFTER everything else we’ve been already been through. I’ve only been thinking about the possible risks of having the babies prematurely (a likelihood if we were to have twins), but I definitely had not acknowledged the possibility of something being wrong with our baby/babies totally UNRELATED to infertility/treatments. I mean, things happen, but to spend YEARS and THOUSANDS, not to mention all the blood, sweat, and tears, trying to have a baby, and then have to deal with some sort of totally random illness or abnormality?!? I think I would have a really hard time believing in God’s plan at that point…
So now I’m just scared. It kind of makes me afraid to cycle again…afraid to hope.