March 13, 2010

Now what?

Posted in Infertility, Life at 2:01 pm by lifebytheday

Wow, I just can’t seem to keep up with my blog writing and blog reading – sorry friends!

This job is certifiably INSANE – literally 16 hour days with NO time for FB or blogging.  Boo.  It’s also a lot more physically challenging – I’m on my feet all day (made slightly better by my new not-so-stylish Dan.sko clogs ;-)) – walking, walking, walking.  I actually think that I’m moving in the direction of being in better shape, which will hopefully inspire me to start working out again.  So that’s the good part, but the sheer amount of work involved in this job has been difficult to navigate.  The other night S said “you actually work from the minute you wake up until the minute you go to bed, huh?”  Umm, yeah.  SUCKS. 

The problem is compounded because not only am I new, but this is also the busiest time of year in my industry.  Everyone says that it gets better by the end of April – I can survive another 4-6 weeks, right?  I just keep thinking that I couldn’t possibly do this job pregnant and that maybe that’s why the last cycle didn’t work out.  God knew that I couldn’t handle it and forced an early cancellation so that I could move on with my life.  But now, I have to decide what to do next.

The RE’s office called me with the details for my next cycle – starting Lupron on March 25th, stims on April 6th, and the retrieval tentatively scheduled for April 15th.  And now I feel so torn.  For the past FOUR years of infertility treatments, I have basically gone full steam ahead (at least as much as our finances would allow) and would cycle whenever the RE let me.  But right now, I just don’t know whether my body can physically handle it.  I obviously want to be pregnant ASAP, but I worry about the effect of all of the stress and physical strain on me, my eggs, and our embie(s). 

As much as I hate to wait MORE before being pregnant, I actually think that the most responsible thing to do would be to delay for an extra month or so, so that the stims and retrieval would be in May, not April.  I could get through the busy time without feeling bloated and sore (esp. since the DR’s basically put me on modified bedrest once I get going on stims – hence the no working out, for YEARS, lol).  That way, once we DO get pregnant, I’ll have a few quiet months at work to get through any morning sickness or ickyness.  Then by the time work gets busy again, I’ll be able to tell people that I’m pregnant and can’t carry textbooks around. 😉

I keep going back and forth…S has basically said that because it’s my body AND my job, that I have to make the final decision, but he tends to agree.  He was really funny, he made some comment about how “we always try to do too much…that we COULD handle it, but maybe we should try to ‘switch it up’ and just try to focus on one thing at a time.”  Another consideration (although clearly more minor) is a long-distance wedding that we’ll be attending on April 24th.  It’s with a group of college girlfriends that I haven’t seen since MY wedding six years ago, and it would be much easier to just be able to drink and not have to fake it (or try to explain that I *might* be pregnant but don’t know for sure).

So what do you all think?  Stall, and cycle in May??  Or suck it up and just move forward?  Opinions wanted, please!



  1. Kari said,

    It’s always so hard to think about a break. During our cycling the only breaks I was willing to take were forced on me by m/c’s. Until our last cycle. That cycle I put off a month because I just felt rushed. It’s hard to put off a cycle, but it sounds like you have really thought about the pros and cons of waiting. IF cycles are stressful enough as it is, without adding work stress to your life. Of course I’m sure you CAN handle both, but maybe waiting will help make things easier. Good luck with your decision. Whatever you choose will be the best choice for yourself and your DH.

  2. Kelly said,

    Definitely a tough decision to make – but I think that whatever you decide will be fine. The tone of your post sounds like you want to wait a month, and if that’s how you feel in your gut, then there is nothing wrong with that decision. You and your body will be ready when you’re ready, there’s no reason to push extra stress on yourself *right now* if it would be easier to wait. And it’s not like you’d be waiting two years; it’s one month. I can see the pros and cons on both sides and I’m sure whatever you decide, you’ll make it work. Best of luck with this tough decision!

  3. jsutera654 said,

    I’m actually with S on this one, friend. He’s right, you two both just go, go, go all the time, no matter what. And it always works out, and you always come out on top but this time, maybe you should think a little differently here. Rather than “go” when the RE says so, do what you’re doing and think about it first. What is best for YOU and you/S right now? Based on what I’ve seen/heard/talked with you about? I think you need to give yourself a “break” (if you can call that one) and focus on the job, getting to a quieter time at work and then consider restarting the cycle. I know you are frustrated at all the stop/start of your IVF cycles, but in the grand scheme of things, the one month of extra sanity-saving will be worth it. Just my two cents, though. I obviously support you and will help you through this whatever you decide! Hugs!!

  4. APlusB said,

    Sounds like you want/need a break. I think if your mind and body are telling you that a rest would be a good thing, go with it. I am extremely impatient with all this IF garbage, so I totally understand why you want to move forward, but in the scheme of things, a month is not long at all, and may be just want you need.

  5. Deb said,

    I’m new to your blog so I don’t know your history but it sounds like taking April off might be a nice refresh for you before heading back into a cycle. Taking a break can be disappointing at times but sometimes it is just what we need.

  6. Janine said,

    I wish that I were talking with you about this in your cubicle (or better yet, at Flour!) but I think taking a month would allow you to start the cycle in a better place both physically and mentally. In a way you’re in the “first trimester” of your new position… it would be tough to do your first trimester of pregnancy at the same time! I agree that you could get through it (you always do!), but I think it will save your sanity. 😉 Plus, I hear February is a great month to have a baby. 😉

  7. 21reena said,

    I can’t keep up with everyone now either – don’t worry about it – you have to do what’s best for you!

    about taking a break – i was so torn about taking one a few months ago – and I’m so glad i did – i’m still not even sure i’m ready to start again, but i desperately want to. back in Nov i knew it was the right thing for me and i know you’ll know what the right thing for you will be.

    good luck

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