February 15, 2010
Wow, has it really been a week since I posted last?!? It certainly has been quite a week! After finding out that I got the job, I came down with a 24 hour stomach bug, and then spent the rest of the week STRESSED out. I’m stressed about finishing my current job and leaving my projects in a good place (especially since I found out they’re not filling my position until July at the earliest) and I’m stressed about learning what I’ll need to know and getting up to speed in my new position. And on top of all that, my boss was totally MIA last week – granted, she was traveling all week, but she was also totally avoiding any discussions that acknowledged that I’m leaving. Umm, hello? Just because you bury your head in the sand for two weeks doesn’t mean that I’m still going to be there when you finally look up! 😉
In other news, I got the all clear to stop Lupron and re-start the BCPs, so I guess we’re back on the bandwagon. With that said though, I think we’re going to move ahead very slowly. I want to give myself some time to get settled in my new job (these next few months are also the busiest of the selling season) and also need to work around a long-distance wedding towards the end of April, so I may delay starting stims so that we don’t run into a conflict with monitoring. It would also be nice to avoid a birth date around Christmas (for the same reason that I won’t allow an “S junior”, lol! I want our child to feel SPECIAL and unique), so maybe this is something else that is “meant to be.”
On the other hand, though, it’s hard to pass by more and more milestones, and still not be pregnant. If I have to go through another Christmas not pregnant, or turn 28 (or god forbid, 29) still not pregnant, this is really going to SUCK. The first time we did IVF, I actually wasn’t expecting it to work. The second time led to complications, so while painful (physically and emotionally), it made sense that my body wasn’t able to accept the embryo. After having our third cycle cancelled (and going on 3+ years of fertility treatments), I’m starting to feel more desperate.
I think it also has something to do with the fact that our friends have started to catch up to us in the baby-making department. S and I were really “young” when we got married, and were some of the only ones married, let alone trying to get pregnant. I’m realizing how much harder it is for me to hear pregnancy announcements now, not because I was so “strong” and handling them so well earlier, but because there really weren’t very many announcements to begin with. I sometimes think that God just wanted to give our friends (and my younger brothers) a chance to catch up, but I’m ready to get off the starting line! Let’s get going!!