January 4, 2010
Back to reality
Hi friends! Sorry I went MIA for so long…I literally did not turn on my computer for the entire last week (just spent the morning catching up on your blogs – great stuff)! A lot happened over the past week, along with a lot of thinking and talking with S. I definitely have some revelations and resolutions to share, but first, a quick update.
Christmas was only so-so for me. After a stressful Christmas Eve getting ready for company (while S celebrated with his coworkers – much deserved, but still annoying), I still wasn’t in the holiday spirit by the time my family arrived for dinner. We all went to mass after dinner and ended up stuck at the mass with the children’s Christmas pageant (a live nativity reenactment). We used to go to that mass regularly, but now that we’re all a bit older, we have been trying to choose a mass more suited to us. The sermon at the pageant mass is more tailored to the younger folks, and the mass is just much longer in general, which drives my brothers and husband crazy. Little did I know that I would be the one who had a real problem with it this year…
Right as our deacon was reading “…and Mary had a baby…and laid him in a manger” and the couple with the newest baby in the parish brought her up to the alter and handed her to the terrified pre-teen…I LOST IT. Hysterical sobbing (thank God I was quiet), at which point S just hugged me, and my parents looked over awkwardly not knowing what to say or do. The rest of the night went downhill. I was never able to get into the holiday spirit this year, and I think a huge part of it is the fact that it Christmas is the celebration of the birth of a child…which still hasn’t happened for us. I really am feeling more hopeful about this next round (stim shots begin on Jan. 13th), but sometimes it just hits me. When S and I were married, we promised that we would have children to add to our Catholic family, and I just don’t know why we haven’t been able to! My constant prayer has now become “God, I know you want us to have children…please help us!”
So anyways, it was an emotional holiday. Christmas morning with S and the animals was fantastic, but the rest of the day was just annoying. My parents were super stressed all day, since they were responsible for cooking dinner (most of it, we do pot-luck with the sides), but then we were all expected at my aunt’s for dessert. For the two weeks before Christmas, I told everyone that we were not going to join them for dessert, because I knew that it would be major drama for all of us to schlepp over there, but on the day, I caved in so that my mom would not feel torn. It was just as annoying as I expected, but I tried to make the best of it for my family.
Then, on the following Monday, S and I left for our winter vacation in the White Mountains of NH. As soon as we arrived, we took off for a snowmobile tour, which was AWESOME! I didn’t think I’d like it as much as I did…I even drove the sled for a while! It was a beautiful drive – started snowing halfway through our trip, that perfect fluffy snow that coats all of the trees – and it was really fun to be cuddled up to S. Who cares that we smelled like a gas tank afterwards, right? The rest of Monday involved a nap and late dinner (but an early night because I had heartburn). Tuesday did not go as well.
We had planned to go skiing (on the coldest day of the year, figures) and only made it two hours before I lost it (even bundled up to our eyes, I was so cold that I was crying as I was skiing down the mountain) and S lost it with me for ruining his day (although he did later admit that he was FREEZING and that the mountain didn’t have enough trails for our skill level). Needless to say, it was a long, quiet afternoon in the hotel room before he “defrosted.” Our last morning was fantastic – a huge breakfast, followed by ice skating and a couples massage before heading home. Although it wasn’t a totally drama-free trip, it was definitely some much needed time together. I think it took a while for us to figure out how to just BE together, but by Sunday night, I definitely had realized what I’d be losing once the work week began.
I woke up Thursday in a funk, and spent a lot of the day just moping around the house before heading off to some of our best friends’ house for their annual NYE party. This year we were able to bring Bailey (which was much appreciated – thanks J&S!) – she had been moping around with me after leaving my parents’ house, so it was nice to be able to keep her with us. We ended up having a blast (as we always do!), and didn’t even wake up too hung over! Success 😉
Friday night S and I went to see Avatar (fantastic, go see it, and definitely in 3D!) and then on Saturday we went out for Thai food and a few drinks to celebrate our last night together. I finally went grocery shopping on Sunday (and planned a few new crock-pot meals to try – I’ll let you know if they’re any good), and S and I spent the afternoon watching movies. All in all, it was a low-key, recharging kind of vacation, and hopefully is just the beginning of S and I making more time for each other and really connecting in the coming weeks.
We talked a lot about plans for 2010, but since this is already a ridiculously long post, I guess I’ll save those for tomorrow. 😉 Wishing you all a happy Monday – hope it hasn’t been too painful so far!