December 21, 2009
Oh, hello hormones! (UPDATED)
S asked me to remove some of the more personal details from this post, so here goes. 😉
Man, did I NOT miss you! (And P.S. yes, I realize what a Debby Downer I, and my blog, have been these past few weeks – sorry friends!) Let’s just say that last night – after what was actually a perfectly lovely day – I remembered what it’s like to be on birth control. S had to work most of the weekend, but we woke up yesterday to a huge snow storm, so I spent the day cooking, wrapping, and doing laundry, and then we had a nice relaxing movie night once he got home. Then, when we finally went to bed, S made the mistake of asking me “how I was feeling”…cue meltdown. And I mean MELTDOWN – hysterical sobbing, nose dripping, choking for breath, and every time I calmed down I would say something or think of something that would set me back off.
I’m so sick of “feeling tired and depressed”, and then feeling guilty about it, and of feeling like it’s my psycho hormones that are causing it. Like, c’mon PCOS, isn’t it bad enough that you’ve made me INFERTILE? Do you have to ruin my “real” life as well???
Then poor S made the mistake of saying that I shouldn’t worry, that I wouldn’t be on meds for much longer, that the third IVF was going to be the charm…and I LOST IT. That’s my biggest fear at this point – what if the third time ISN’T the charm? Then what?!? The previous two negatives were hard, but both times I kind of knew…I honestly don’t know how I will survive if this one doesn’t work.
Anyways, I guess that’s enough misery for a Monday morning…hopefully I can find my Christmas spirit before the holiday is past!