November 20, 2009

The kindness of strangers (and friends)!

Posted in Blog, Infertility, Life tagged at 4:30 pm by lifebytheday

I was reading the RESOLVE bulletin board updates this morning and clicked on a discussion called “You know you’re infertile when…”  Some of the responses were sad, many were hysterically funny…and some just hit too close to home.  The one that struck me the most read “You know you’re infertile when…At one point or another you want to smack just about everyone you love, but then cry over the failed fertility treatments of perfect strangers.” 

While I don’t necessarily agree with the first part of that statement (more on that later), the second piece rang so true for me.  Since I’ve become a part of this fantastic infertility community (almost 100% online!), I have been constantly amazed by how much support perfect strangers are able to provide one another.  There are very few people we know IRL (in real life) that know exactly the right thing to say at any given time (those who do know who you are ;-)), and it makes such a difference to be able to talk to and hear from other people going through the same thing.  Although we may still be jealous of other people’s BFP’s, it takes a true infertile to empathize with (yet another!) BFN, or delayed cycle, or insurance issue, or…fill in the blank. 

For so long, I put off creating a blog, thinking that no one would be interested in anything I had to say…and then even after I had started, sometimes the pressure was paralyzing!  I’ve gradually realized that, for me, the therapeutic value of writing is as, if not more, important, and that I don’t necessarily care if other people read it.  With that said, the “community” is really what makes a difference, and I LOVE hearing from readers.  If I can help even one person feel like they’re not alone, then my blog will have been a success. 

So back to part one of that comment…yes, there are occasionally times when I want to kill someone, usually a member of my family.  [One of my lowest moments was a SCREAMING match with my brother, mid-Lupron, followed by a stalemate that led to us not speaking for MONTHS.  Our relationship has just recently recovered.]  But there are other times when I am surprised anew by how lucky I am to have certain people in my life. 

I had a funny conversation yesterday with one of my best friends (she writes a great fitness/life blog, check it out!), where we spent 20 minutes over IM moaning about the parts of our body that we didn’t like.  My favorite part of the whole exchange was that each time I would say something, she would contradict me or tell me about something she loved about me, and vice versa.  Although that convo wasn’t IF related, it made me realize that there are so many people in my life who love and support me, and I feel very grateful.

So – along the lines of yesterday’s post – just a big thank you to everyone who has ever commented on my blog, given me a hug (or a reality check!), or put up with my Lupron mood swings. 😉  You mean more than you’ll ever know.


  1. jolene1079 said,

    Aw, so cute – I can totally hear you and Jess doing that – no, you have a nice ass, no, YOU do! 😉 Supportive friends rock, don’t they?! XOXO!

  2. Jess said,

    You totally made me want to cry reading that, I love you friend!! You are the bestest friend ever 😉 Now I’m going back to my blog to update it with a link to this one…xoxox

  3. […] about this for awhile and after a recent IM conversation with one of my favorites (check out her blog here, she wrote a very similar entry today, can you tell we’re kindred spirits here??), […]

  4. Ashley said,

    You’re welcome! 🙂

    Just kidding, you deserve the support and I am SO rooting for your BFP this time!


  5. Pie said,

    My first time reading your blog (here thru ICLW) but what a lovely post. It is true, the kindness of strangers can be very powerful.

  6. Brandy said,

    Here from ICLW. That is so true! I’ve come to rely on my online friends much more than my real life friends when it comes to all this infertility crap.

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