November 18, 2009

Question/worry o’ the day

Posted in Infertility, Life tagged , , at 3:45 pm by lifebytheday


As anyone dealing with IF knows, infertility takes away all ability to plan or control the act of having children.  People might think that IVF represents the most control possible – i.e. you know when you’ll be doing the retrieval and transfer (roughly), and can plan around it – however, there are so many factors which negate that control and ability to plan.  First of all, there are insurance approvals, and the bloodwork and other tests required beforehand – these things could take weeks or even months.  For some people, money also becomes a factor, and procedures must be put on hold while you save money.  Then, you have to take into consideration whether (and how) you’ll respond to the medication – will you be stimming for days? weeks?  Finally, after everything is complete, there’s the 2WW (two week wait), when you wait to find out whether or not you are pregnant.  And the piece with the LEAST control POSSIBLE?  After all of that, it may not have worked, you won’t be pregnant, and you will have gone through all these steps for nothing.  You then have to somehow find the strength to move forward, and try to forget about all the plans you had made for 9 months from now.

All this to say, that there is really no point in trying to “plan” the perfect time to have a baby.  Now that I’ve received insurance approvals and feel like we are actually moving forward, I’m doing what all IF patients do…counting months.  I had previously done the 9 month addition problem, starting from the target of mid-January, which would give us a due date of early- to mid-October.  Great, right?!  However, I’ve also just realized that that means that I’d be 7 months pregnant in early August, just too pregnant to travel to our big company sales meeting. 

I’ve recently started pursuing a local sales job in my company (not my cup of tea really, but required in order to get promoted to the job I really want), under the theory that if this next IVF doesn’t work, I’ll want something to keep busy with, and if it does, sales would actually provide me with a lot of flexibility.  If I need to puke all morning and go on campus in the afternoon, I can.  I can work around doctor’s appointments and take naps.  Seems like a win/win.  I’ve submitted my name for two local positions that should be opening up soon – one rep is retiring, and one is hoping to come back inside (as an editor)…but for now, more waiting.

So now I’m trying to decide – do I postpone our next IVF to February, so that I’m only 6 months pregnant in August, not 7?  Or do I move forward ASAP in case this next round doesn’t work, again?  Then again, if we end up transferring two and have twins, I probably won’t be able to fly at 6 months anyways, so maybe I should just plan on not being at the meeting and move forward as planned?  And on the other hand, when will this sales opportunity materialize anyways?  Will the timing work out perfectly enough that I’ll have to be interviewing while on meds for our next cycle?  And maybe I won’t even get the job, in which case I wouldn’t want to postpone our next cycle!  UGH!!!  Someone save me from myself…! 😛



  1. K.M. said,

    I’ve just recently found your blog. It has been so helpful & hopeful to find others going through similar issues.

    Anyhow, to your post – I am *supposed* to be doing IVF/PGD in January and we struggled with some of the same issues. The conclusion we came to was that there is never going to be a perfect time to do IVF, or a perfect time to be pregnant. And if I do actually get pregnant right away, we’ll be so happy about that, that missing out on flying/being thin for the reunion/etc. won’t matter.

    Good luck with your decision!

  2. Kari said,

    Oh the timing issue. What a sticky situation. If you do go forward as planned and it works, will you really regret missing the meeting? Can you teleconference to the meeting? Hoping your answers come to you easily. 🙂

  3. egghunt said,

    hmmm, it’s a tricky one but in my experience if you try to line all your cards up in a row for the perfect plan then inevitably they all come falling down. If it were me then i’d just go ahead and do IVF and not think about the job thing yet. The best way for me is if I carry on with life plans as if I will NOT be pregnant as then I don’t feel like a failure when pregnancy plans fall through. I remember 4 years ago I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my best friend and we had just started ttc – I didnt want to ruin my friends wedding by being a big fat pregnant person in her photos so I meticulously put off trying to get pregnant till after her wedding as I thought it would work perfectly to have a baby approx 9 mths after her ceremony. Hmmm, here I am 4 years later and still no baby and I have that horrible reminder of her wedding and how I wasted so much time delaying something that we want so badly now. What i’m trying to say is that making a plan when you are infertile is a pretty difficult thing but it can be done as long as you are not going to punish yourself if things go wrong. Hope you gets some answers soon, whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.

  4. Jane said,

    I’m so with you on this. There are way too many unknown factors, and all kinds of decisions whether to delay or proceed. Constantly. Sometimes, I’m planning for what might be 9 months down the road, or even 6 months as you say when it’s regarding travel. But I find that there’s the short term decisions too, like when will I be ovulating next month (for IUI’s, in my case) and what that might that conflict with. In general, like the others that commented, I tend to go ahead with things regardless. But these kinds of decisions–and their consequences–still linger in my mind, all the time. Good luck!

  5. 21reena said,

    IF stinks, especially if you’re a planning person (like I am). Good luck making your decision. All I can say, is think about what would you regret missing out on the most and take it from there.

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