November 18, 2009
Question/worry o’ the day
As anyone dealing with IF knows, infertility takes away all ability to plan or control the act of having children. People might think that IVF represents the most control possible – i.e. you know when you’ll be doing the retrieval and transfer (roughly), and can plan around it – however, there are so many factors which negate that control and ability to plan. First of all, there are insurance approvals, and the bloodwork and other tests required beforehand – these things could take weeks or even months. For some people, money also becomes a factor, and procedures must be put on hold while you save money. Then, you have to take into consideration whether (and how) you’ll respond to the medication – will you be stimming for days? weeks? Finally, after everything is complete, there’s the 2WW (two week wait), when you wait to find out whether or not you are pregnant. And the piece with the LEAST control POSSIBLE? After all of that, it may not have worked, you won’t be pregnant, and you will have gone through all these steps for nothing. You then have to somehow find the strength to move forward, and try to forget about all the plans you had made for 9 months from now.
All this to say, that there is really no point in trying to “plan” the perfect time to have a baby. Now that I’ve received insurance approvals and feel like we are actually moving forward, I’m doing what all IF patients do…counting months. I had previously done the 9 month addition problem, starting from the target of mid-January, which would give us a due date of early- to mid-October. Great, right?! However, I’ve also just realized that that means that I’d be 7 months pregnant in early August, just too pregnant to travel to our big company sales meeting.
I’ve recently started pursuing a local sales job in my company (not my cup of tea really, but required in order to get promoted to the job I really want), under the theory that if this next IVF doesn’t work, I’ll want something to keep busy with, and if it does, sales would actually provide me with a lot of flexibility. If I need to puke all morning and go on campus in the afternoon, I can. I can work around doctor’s appointments and take naps. Seems like a win/win. I’ve submitted my name for two local positions that should be opening up soon – one rep is retiring, and one is hoping to come back inside (as an editor)…but for now, more waiting.
So now I’m trying to decide – do I postpone our next IVF to February, so that I’m only 6 months pregnant in August, not 7? Or do I move forward ASAP in case this next round doesn’t work, again? Then again, if we end up transferring two and have twins, I probably won’t be able to fly at 6 months anyways, so maybe I should just plan on not being at the meeting and move forward as planned? And on the other hand, when will this sales opportunity materialize anyways? Will the timing work out perfectly enough that I’ll have to be interviewing while on meds for our next cycle? And maybe I won’t even get the job, in which case I wouldn’t want to postpone our next cycle! UGH!!! Someone save me from myself…! 😛