November 6, 2009

“One’s first step in wisdom is to question everything – and one’s last is to come to terms with everything.”

Posted in Infertility tagged , , , at 11:26 am by lifebytheday

(Attributed to Georg C. Lichtenberg)

I just need to say a big THANK YOU to all of the people who responded to me yesterday, both here and on the Inspire/Resolve message boards.  I heard from people mid-IVF, in their 2WW, pregnant (with twins and singletons), and even mothers of twins!  I received so much good information and opinions, that generally fell into a few categories.  (*disclaimer – I’m only picking of pieces of people’s response, but I hope I’ve maintained the spirit and tone of your message.) 

Those who have (or are in favor of) transferring two embies:

  • “We cannot afford to do IVF again in the future and wanted to have 2 kids.”
  • “We’re older parents(to be) and felt strongly we wanted our children to have a sibling.”
  • “Go for it. I have never heard anyone say they regret twins.”
  • “I’m pregnant with a singleton and had two embryos transferred. If I had only transferred 1, I may not be pregnant now.”
  • “In the end we knew they wouldn’t freeze what we had left, their standards are too high, so rather than leave the second one to be discarded we transferred it.”
  • “I wouldn’t be afraid of twins. They are much harder time and energy wise but I’ve been promised it evens out when they are a bit older and can play together.”

Those who agree that there are a lot of risk factors to consider (and pointed out some of the possible negatives):

  • “I think it is wise you are concerned about health risks – the ideal goal of IVF is a singleton pg. The md recommended 2 embryo transfer to us due to my age and hx and both took. I was on bedrest for 4 months and the twins were early at 33 weeks.”
  • “I work as a therapist and have seen the effects [of premature delivery] on babies in the NICU…”
  • “I am 30wks1day…contracting now and home on bed rest.”
  • “My pregnancy with the twins was very, very difficult. But the twins are now happy and healthy two year olds. They are thriving despite their birth being 6 weeks early.”
  • “I worried about being selfish and just wanting a baby so badly that I’d forget about the complications that could occur.”
  • “…that’s not to say I won’t always blame myself if something is wrong with my babies, if I have twins, because we transferred two.”

And finally, those who helped me the most, who pointed out that whatever decision we made – had to be right for US.

  • “Bottom line: I did not want to regret ANYTHING!”
  • “Ultimately, it’s a really personal decision. Things are rarely black and white. But as I said when I looked at it from the perspective of risking no pregnancy or potentially ending up with two, I knew immediately what I was willing to live with. Somehow you’ll find your way to the right answer for you.”

After reading all of these responses and mulling them over for the night, I woke up feeling much more peace with my decision.  The bottom line for me is that I could NEVER forgive myself if there was something wrong with the baby/babies because of a decision that I made…I’d rather not be pregnant, than have caused a problem for my babies.  With that said, this will still be a game time decision based on embryo quality and quantity – and I totally respect others for whatever decision was right for them.  Thankfully, I have the luxury of being “young” and (finally!) having health insurance that will cover multiple rounds of IVF, so I think eSET (elective single embryo transfer) is what I’m now leaning towards.  After all, as moms, don’t we all just want what’s best for our kids??



  1. Kari said,

    Glad you were able to find comfort and peace in your decision!! And that you have insurance that will cover multiple IVF’s. Ours covers 3 per live birth, I thought cool that should cover it, but then we m/c our first baby and when it was decision time at IVF #2 to transfer, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that I only have 1 more chance with insurance. Good luck and so glad you found peace!!

  2. Myndi said,

    So glad that my comment was remotely helpful. There really is no wrong answer, as long as you go with your gut. And it sounds like that is exactly what you are doing. Good for you!

  3. egghunt said,

    I’m currently struggling with that decision too so found your post really helpful. You are right, it’s totally a personal choice and comes down to A) Your feelings on the matter and B) Your chances of twins in the first place.
    Some people have a near zero chance of twins due to their IF problems or their age so the number of embies to transfer is a completely different situation for everyone. You’ll know when you get to ET what is right for you.

  4. Caroline said,

    I’ve just read your post and am glad that you have found peace with your decision.
    My Doctor recommends only single embryo transfers, and thankfully I am now pregnant with one healthy baby as a result. We have 2 further embryos frozen. I don’t know how hard it would be to manage twins (as I was never really given the choice of 2 embryos) but I am so glad that we have our single, healthy baby. We can then go for baby number 2 when we feel ready.
    You’re in my thoughts.

  5. 21reena said,

    I’m glad you feel as though you’ve thought it out and can make an informed game-time decision. I can’t wait to hear more!

  6. K.M. said,

    I just stumbled upon your blog today. i am doing IVF with PGD in january (waiting for new insurance to kick in). I struggled with this same thing in the past couple weeks. i think someone else already said this, but for me it came down to what i felt in my gut and for me, that meant just one embryo. good luck to you!

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