May 26, 2009

Nervous…and overthinking.

Posted in Infertility at 1:02 pm by lifebytheday

Today is Day 16. 

To “normal” women, that probably doesn’t mean much, but to IFers, every day means something.  Or if it doesn’t, you wish it would.  After last month (the month of the miracle cycle), I’ve been tracking my BBT and counting days, and hoping against hope that I’d ovulate on my own (!) again this month. 

Last month, the big O happened on Day 20, and without getting into too much detail, I knew that something was about to happen for a few days before that (starting around day 17).  This time, my acu has me on herbs to try and promote earlier ovulation (trying for the healthier 28-day cycle, rather than my 34-day one), but as of today (DAY 16), still NO signs of impending ovulation! 

So now I’m starting to FREAK out that last month was a total fluke and that I’ve gotten all my hopes up for nothing.  That I’m really not fully functional and that I’ll probably have to go back to IF treatments.  That who was I kidding, I’ll never have a normal, regular cycle.  That now we’ll be on our special anniversary trip in Hawaii and I’ll be stressed out and worrying about my stupid cycle – the one time I was hoping to be able to take a break from it all! 

I know I should be more optimistic.  Maybe my ideal cycle is 34 days and I’ll start to “feel things” tomorrow.  Maybe now that I’m “regular” I won’t “feel things” as much.  Maybe…blah.  Maybe I need a drink.

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