May 12, 2009
And so it begins…
With the (natural – yippee!) arrival of AF, I’ve been suddenly thrown back into the “trying” mentality, and I’m not quite sure whether to laugh or cry. Our break is officially over – and while I’m completely thrilled to be able to pursue natural conception, I’m also totally overwhelmed. As of this morning, I’m back to charting my BBT (temperature), taking my pre-natal vitamins, and constantly wondering “what if…” and “what about…” and “what now…”??
IF and IF treatments turn even the most laid back people into control freaks (imagine what it does to those who are already Type A – ahem! ;-)), so it was initially very hard to be on a “break” and truly allow my body and mind to REST. But now, I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of it 😉 and was really looking forward to our trip (to Hawaii! in 27 days!) without anything else hanging over my head. Now, I could potentially be waiting for AF to come back again (while on the beach? ugh!), or possibly even be PG?!? I mentioned that to S last night and he was like “Umm…I’d prefer the second option.” 😛 Umm, yeah, me too. LOL!
It just all seems so unreal. I don’t think I ever believed that this could possibly happen “naturally” and now I’m torn between relief that that door has opened and fear that it will just lead down another road to disappointment. Do I potentially give myself a while to try naturally? How long is a while – three months? A year?? When do I give up and go back to IVF? If at all? I know I just need to take it one day at a time…but that is SO easier said than done!